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Mouse in the House

When you live in the woods a mouse is not unusual. But when the entire Craft Services table for the cast of "Cats" shows up in your bedroom, it's time to take action.

About six years ago we had an invasion of mice in our house over a 12-hour period. I think it was because we were having our windows replaced and something was stirred up, a nest perhaps, or the window spaces were empty for long periods of time during the day as the installers prepped and then set the new windows in place.

We live in the woods where there are lots of critters and we do our best to keep everyone in their natural habitat. But, for whatever reason, there were mice on this particular fall day ... lots of them. And by lots, I mean any number greater than zero.

I saw the first one while I was getting ready for work at 5 a.m. when it ran in front of me into the closet. I yelled a few bad words because I'm not a screaming, helpless, jump-on-a-chair kinda gal. I say bad words, stomp my feet and say more bad words, until I get somebody’s attention and a discussion begins on how we will get rid of the rodent.

It usually goes like this:

Me: THERE’S A %$#$@ MOUSE IN THE HOUSE! GET the &%$#ing thing OUTTA HERE NOW!

Him: OK! I'm on it! Where are the traps? Do we have traps? Where’s the peanut butter? What did you do with my gloves? Did you put them in this drawer? Oh! Here’s the receipt I’ve been looking for from my new watch. I hope it's not too late for the rebate. And Scotch tape! I needed Scotch tape yesterday. Did we always keep it here? And look, the menu from the pizza place I like. Do you want to get a pizza tonight for dinner?

Me: HEY! The mouse?

Him: Oh yeah.

That evening we set one trap in the bathroom to catch the little s@#$  [LS] and went to bed. Peanut butter is our favorite bait but since he's allergic to it, I set all the traps. This one was set and put in its place on the floor near where the LS had disappeared earlier that day. We got into bed, pulled up the covers, turned out the lights and settled in for the night.

All was quiet for about five minutes and then ... SNAP?

Did we hear SNAP?

We leaped from the bed, turned on the light and ... HOORAY! ... SUCCESS! ... we got him ... the mouse ... in the trap [I'll spare you the details.] ... in less than five minutes! WE were heroes! WE did it! WE caught and destroyed the intruder; our home was safe and free of mice. No more furry things scurrying across the floor squeezing into spaces no wider than the space between the tines on a fork.

We did a little dead-mouse-happy-dance and basked for a moment in our superiority over the rodent world.

The trap with mouse was placed in a paper sack, the sack was carted down two flights of stairs to the garage, tossed in the garbage and the problem was solved. Bravo us!

But, just in case, I baited another trap with peanut butter, he set it on the bathroom floor and we went to bed. [Just to be sure.]

Lights off, covers on ... silence...then...

SNAP!

What?

Another SNAP?!

Well, OK then, we got the other one! Good for us, we outsmarted them both. They thought they'd lose only one comrade, but we got them both. Yeah, we're good. We did another little happy dance.

Mouse was placed in a paper sack; the sack was carted down two flights of stairs to the garage, tossed in the garbage and the problem was solved. End of story.

But, just in case, I baited another trap, he set it on the bathroom floor and we went to bed. Lights off, covers on .... silence ... drifting off to sleep and ... SNAP!  Oh... well ... hmmmm ... another mouse.  That's good.  OK, there were three and we got them all.

Me: [from bed under the covers] “Good job, Honey,"

Him: Thanks.

No dancing.

Mouse was placed in a paper sack; the sack was carted down two flights of stairs to the garage, tossed in the garbage and the problem was solved. Case closed.

But, just to be on the safe side, he baited [with gloves on] another trap, set it on the bathroom floor and came to bed. Silence ... holding our breaths, we tried to go to sleep ... until ... another ... snap. [lower case no bold]

S@#$%, D$%#$, S^%-%$-B^%$#!!!. Lights back on ... dead mouse, big freakin' deal. In the sack, two flights of stairs down to the garage, in the garbage.

This wasn't fun anymore. Our house was de-moused enough now. I just wanted to get some sleep! I wanted to sleep without the trap-snap-garage crap. I had used up all my bad words.

But, three more times that night we heard the SNAP! and there were three more trips to the garage until finally all was quiet and we fell asleep.

In the garbage the next morning were seven paper sacks, with seven sprung traps, holding seven dead mice. Quite an eventful night.

We haven't had but a few mice over the last eight years.  And then, I feel, they only come to pay respects to the dead from the carnage of '03.

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