Darn kids

Art Linkletter was right.

For those who never heard that name, Art Linkletter had what one might call the first reality show. In the '50s he hosted a show called "Kids Say the Darndest Things."

He'd have a half dozen three-, four- and five-year-olds sitting side-by-side on kindergarten chairs on a slightly raised platform. Then he'd walk down the row and ask each one ordinary questions and listen (without interrupting) to their answers.

That was it. That was the show. Such a simple idea, such great results. The show was a hit because there was no script and no network censors. What the kids said got on the air. Most of the time it was outrageously funny. Occasionally there were embarrassing moments, or poignant, tear-jerking stories, but all this added to the success of the show.

Millions tuned in each week just to see what those little sweethearts would say next. Their parents, I'm sure, were holding their collective breaths backstage as Linkletter talked with each one.

I taught for 27 years and kids indeed said the darndest things no matter how old they were. I wish I had written down all the funny things kids have said in my presence so I could write a book. Here are just two that I thought about today.

For a few of those 27  years I taught the English class in the alternative school, housed in our high school. These students were an eclectic bunch and although they had a myriad of social issues and were prone to extreme attention-seeking behaviors, they were smart, fascinating and often very funny.

Once, right in the middle of a very serious discussion of Greek Mythology, a boy came to me and said quietly, "Mrs. E., Matt shaved off his eyebrows. Look at him over there, no eyebrows."

This was completely out of the blue, we were discussing the epic hero and his recurring role in literature. For whatever reason, Jack felt the need to tell me about Matt's eyebrows at that moment.

So I whispered, "Jack, it's not nice to talk about other students in the room. Matt may have been born like that."

Jack (not whispering) replied, "No way, Mrs. E. He had 'em yesterday!"
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Often I see my students in the neighborhood where I live. I enjoy running into them and I try to remember something nice about them and comment on it.

One time I was in the checkout line at the grocery store and the boy packing my groceries was a former alternative school student I had a few years before. He was a challenge then, but by the looks of him in his white shirt, black pants and grocery store name badge, he seemed to have gotten his act together.

I began racing through my brain to get something nice to say to him. When nothing immediately came, I resorted to the generic.

With a smile I said, "Hi Mark, my goodness you've gotten much older and even better looking."

He smiled and said, "So have you, Mrs. E. : )  : )